John Gaccione

Date: 11/28/2021

Subject: The Bunker

From: The Ad Hoc Design Committee

Perched high atop Lawson Road overlooking our sovereign Kensington is a unique property. It enjoys a specular bay view and is visible from many surrounding communities. Sadly this unique fixer-upper sits vacant, just waiting for a miracle.

The secluded blocky structure was built during the Cold War period and has a strong resemblance to a command center bunker. Its bulk, featureless flat walls and industrial style sit uncomfortably with the neighboring homes. When new, the multi-story building even had an observatory dome for heaven sake.

Local youths have been known to frequent the vacant building. Our local police are familiar with the address because of the numerous complaints about the nocturnal outdoor drinking, suspected drug use, navel gazing and that sort of thing. The hill top party scene is just a law suit waiting to happen.

What if there was a way to transform this negative liability into a positive asset? Could Kensingtonians possibly learn something about income streams from the folks in San Pablo? Might it be time for sovereign Kensington to explore the idea of an indigenous peoples tribal casino for the site. Locally controlled, needless to say.

Some folks suggest schemes like “consolidation” or “joint powers authority” are the pathway forward to saving money and better financial management. Unlike those convoluted and untested schemes the casino solution has a proven 100% successful track record. Who said you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear?

All that is needed is a few motivated practitioners of the real estate arts, some deep pockets, throw in a few lawyers and give a green light to influencers to start the ball rolling. The casino could transform the property into a homage’ to the native people who inhabited the land long before the arrival of the Europeans.

More importantly, it would provide our sovereign Kensington with an income stream to fund all the services we need and deserve. Financial salvation for pennies on the dollar. The casino investment could be the key to Kensington’s financial security, a virtual money machine!

It is a real win/win strategy for Kensington. Will miracles never cease, can I get an amen?

“Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own.” (Jonathan Swift)

Note: Caution, elements of satire present. May not be suitable for all Kensingtonians.