John Gaccione

10/30/19

Subject: Negative Ordinance Image

From: The Executive Steering Committee

PROBLEM: Headquarters has determined our finely crafted ordinance to block contracting is too often seen as being negative. More people are referring to the ordinance as the “Poison Pill Ordinance” or the “Brexit Ordinance”. It’s so unfair!

Field-testing indicates residents have formed a negative view of the ordinance informally known as the “Dorroh Ordinance”. In fact twice have Kensington voters rejected Mr. Dorroh as a candidate, so it may be time to disconnect his name from his creation.

We have many new people in Kensington who may not know how or why the ordinance was put in place. They might know there was a move to consider contracting with other agencies for police services but not have all the details.

Way back in 2009, the protectors of our independent private police department drafted the ordinance to obstruct any attempts at contracting with outside agencies for police services. The electorate never got the opportunity to vote on the ordinance.

Instead of a vote by the electorate, the 2009 KPPCSD Board voted to adopt the ordinance by employing a clever, 150% legal maneuver. (Harrumph…)

SOLUTION: After exhaustive analysis our gurus at the marketing strategy section conjured up a simple yet elegant solution: rebranding. Going forward, the ordinance is to be called the “Voting Rights Ordinance”. The new name provides the ordinance with so much more perceived legitimacy and positive spin.

Seeing this lucidly put response to the quagmire. Who in their right mind could be against something that claimed to be protecting voters’ rights for heaven sake?

Most importantly we must continue to stress that the ordinance and how it was put in place was and is 100% legal. We cannot stress this enough. It is the law. And if there is one thing the faithful follow faithfully, it is the law. Boy howdy!

If contracting for police services succeeds Kensington will surely be on a slippery slope. Lordy, what manner of hell awaits us? Annexation by the dreaded El Cerrito!

“I believe alien life is quite common in the universe, although intelligent life is less so. Some say it has yet to appear on planet Earth.” (Stephen Hawking)

Keeping K-ville marching along in lockstep with satire since 2008